END OF WORLD: MAY 21, 2011

RALEIGH, N.C. – According to a Christian group, Judgment Day is May 21, 2011.  Soon after that… we’ll all be dead. If there had been time, Marie Exley would have liked to start a family. Instead, the 32-year-old Army veteran has less than six months left, which she’ll spend spreading a stark warning: Judgment Day is almost here. Exley is part of a movement of Christians loosely organized by radio...

OBAMAS GO TO CARNEVALE

RIO DE JANEIRO – President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama headed to Rio to celebrate Carnevale! There is a crisis in the Mideast, a crisis in Wisconsin, a looming budget crisis so… what better time for the President to go the biggest party in the world! President Obama and the First Lady headed down to Rio – with Giselle Bundchen and Tom Brady – to take in the festivities.   They all...

D’ALESSANDRO: BEST SOCCER PLAYER IN THE WORLD

BRAZIL -  The Argentinean soccer star, Andres D’Alessandro, has been named the greatest soccer player in the world by FIFA. Andres D’Alessandro won the Copa Libertadores da America with his team Internacional.  Soon after FIFA officals voted D’Alessandro The Greatest Soccer Player in the World. D’Alessandro is a left-footed footballer who currently plays for Sport Club Internacional in Brazil....

GAGA LOSES “MOST LIKED” TITLE

Lady Gaga loses number one spot to Eminem on Facebook Even though Eminem did not walk away with the Grammy’s Album of the Year award, again, that did not stop him from bulldozing his way to the top of the social network. Until now, Lady Gaga was the reigning queen of Facebook as the most “liked” artist on the popular social networking site. But now queen Gaga has been dethroned and the internet has...

BJ PENN TO BECOME A POET

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – After the UFC 127 majority draw BJ Penn calls it quits to get creative. BJ Penn, born Jay Dee Penn, considered leaving the octagon once before after a losing a second time to Frankie Edgar. But the love of the sport reeled him back in for another 9 matches. However, it seems as though that the recent tie to Jon Fitch in UFC 127 was more than Penn could handle and is calling it...

SKUNK APE

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – After years of hiding out in Everglades National Park, Skunk Ape is having a coming out party. For the past twenty years stories have been told in South Florida about the hideous and vile smelling skunk ape who preys upon deer, fox, alligators, and sometimes even humans. Skunk Ape has returned! He has been described as a mix of  an ape and a skunk, Bigfoot and a dirty diaper,...

UFO OVER JERUSALEM!

JERUSALEM – UFOs have been spotted over the Dome of the Rock – an ancient Islamic shrine! Ever since violence has erupted in Egypt there have been numerous sightings of UFOs over Jerusalem, particularly over the Dome of the Rock – and ancient Islamic shrine. Israeli, British and American intelligence agencies have confirmed over two thousand UFO sightings over Jerusalem in the last ten days. “These...

MAN BUILDS SNOW CASTLE

CENTRAL PARK, NY – Homeless man builds underground snow castle for winter residence. The northeast has been ravaged by old man winter and his fury does not seem to be ending anytime soon. New York City’s Central Park has already seen an accumulation of 36 plus inches of snow since winter began. Owners of homes and apartment complexes have been cursing the snow as it continues to settle into the...

GROUNDHOG DEAD

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – Punxsutawney Phil was found dead this morning in an apparent suicide. Sources report he committed suicide after the harshest winter in centuries and in advance of the monster winter storm expected this week. He did not see his shadow at Gobbler’s Knob today, which indicates an early spring, but sources confirm Phil had doubted his accuracy for some time. Terrified that the record-breaking...

ESCAPE FROM EGYPT ON A MAGIC CARPET!

CAIRO, Egypt – Magic carpet rides aid in mass exodus from Cairo.In the days following the civil uprising in Egypt, chaos has ensued in the capital of the ancient land.  Food, water and other essentials are becoming scarcer within the country’s capital, causing people to loot and kill while giving rise to a new form of travel.Cairo international airport has been virtually bum...

MONSTER SNOWSTORM

WASHINGTON -  The biggest snowstorm in the history of the U.S.  will wallop the entire country on Groundhog’s Day.  President Obama has declared a national emergency. The National Weather Service predicts a monster winter storm will hit most of the United States this Wednesday – dropping mountains of snow, sleet and freezing rain on the Rockies, Plains, Midwest and the Northeast. ...

JERSEY SHORE TO GO TO THE VATICAN

VATICAN CITY -  Pope Benedict XVI announced that the cast of Jersey Shore will be his guests at the Vatican for a week. Italians may be bracing for the arrival of Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and the rest of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” cast but Pope Benedict XVI is looking forward to their arrival and has invited them to stay with him for a week. MTV’s decision to scout...

CHIMPANZEES – THE NEW TECH SUPPORT

BEIJING, China – Chimpanzees are now being used for outsourced technical support. Nowadays everything is being outsourced from customer service to technical support and the list keeps growing. Everyone has had an experience calling a customer service or technical support number and getting someone on the other end that has a thick accent and basically sounds like they are reading from a script.Ultimately,...

HOW TO CONTACT THE SPACE PEOPLE

How to Contact the Space People is a must have for all E.T. enthusiasts. How to Contact the Space People by Ted Owens is a masterfully spun account of how Mr. Owens was been able to communicate with aliens or as he prefers to call them Space Intelligences (Si) and control the weather with the assistance of his alien friends. In addition to the riveting tales of Mr. Owens’ life experiences, he...

KEITH OLBERMANN JOINS FOX NEWS

NEW YORK -  After leaving MSNBC tonight, Keith Olbermann signed with Fox News.Keith Olbermann, who had  been suspended indefinitely without pay from MSNBC because he donated to three Democratic candidates this election cycle and then was rehired – quit MSNBC tonight.  He’s done at MSNBC,“We didn’t like Keith made political contributions, but then he apologized and we hired him back...

CHARLES MANSON WRITES A CHILDREN’S BOOK

SEATTLE , WA – Amazon has come under fire again for its decision to carry yet another controversial book.In recent news, the internet retail powerhouse was scrutinized for its decision to carry, The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child-Lover’s Code of Conduct, by Philip R. Greaves II. Now they are pushing the limits even farther with a new children’s book that has been penned by none...

3 METHODS FOR RESURRECTING THE DEAD

Follow these three easy methods to bring your loved ones back from the afterlife.For almost everyone on earth, death can be a painful and difficult experience with which to cope. Now that we live in a world with DNA sequencing, cloning and the web, one might begin to wonder how we can use these tools to get our loved ones and influential leaders back.Well, look no further; here are three methods to...

RATS FEED ON NYC SUBWAY RIDERS

NEW YORK -  There’s a massive Rat Attack in NYC.  Subway riders are being attacked on every train! Rats are multiplying faster than the available food sources in New York City.  There are just too many rats and too little garbage, restaurant leftovers and apartment foodstuffs to satisfy the needs of the millions of rats living in the five boroughs. Rats typically don’t bother humans...

Experts explain S’pore’s declining birth rate

Experts believe the high cost of living is the main deterrent to couples having children. (Photo: AFP Images).They are only getting married in June, but already the couple have decided against having any children.Speaking to The Straits Times (ST), civil servant Jean Heng, 30, said she chooses her independence and freedom above having a baby.She said, “Life in Singapore is...

WALT DISNEY’S FROZEN HEAD STOLEN

GLENDALE, CA – Seven thieves broke into the Glendale Cryogenics Labratory and stole Walt Disney’s frozen head!Police arrived at the California based cryogenics lab after receiving a phone call from the lab’s owner, Robert Sterling.Security camera footage confirms that seven thieves broke down the front door of the building with the intent to steal. However, the camera was immediately disabled when...

DUDE DATING: COLLEGE VS. REAL-WORLD DATING

The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!From the long line of WWN advice columns (i.e. Dear Dotti, Ask a Chimp, etc) comes a new breed of intrepid advice giver. It’s Jared Freid aka J-Train. A frequent dater and lover…Dude Dating with J-Train: College vs. Real-World DatingQ. Train, I just graduated college at the end of December (Yea, 4 and a half years, I party,...